Why should one freeze to death? Why should the vagabond steal our bread? You think by now they’d have enough sense not to stay outside and freeze to death. “Sun Goes Down” (1985) —Angry Red Planet I have died, but it is not as bad as you think. —Jeff, 9/9/2023, last message to Boyer.
Bill, that was an incredible and sad recap of our friend Heff. So poignant. I had absolutely no idea of his struggles or problems. I last saw him at the 40th and he seemed like Jeff to me. There are hidden battles everyone faces; that's why close friends are so vital for honest confession and sharing. Small groups, even if not connected with a church, are another good conduit. Heff obviously didn't have a confidant nearby. What a tragic shame. I wish I had been closer to him. He was fun to be around. Full of life. May his soul rest in peace.
Thanks again for sharing Bill. You have a gift with the pen that is special; you have progressed greatly since our NFL Films recaps. What a great memory!
There is a special kind of sadness watching someone we love and care about, spiral down over and over again. The hope of them overcoming their addiction, depression, money problems or tendency to self-destruct dies a little each time we are confronted with another failing. We often vacillate between wanting to see them do well and the fear of losing them. The despair of going through another emotional roller coaster and not wanting to deal with it. Anger at how are lives are disrupted as one more huge favor, one last promise - for good this time - or an unending request for money that stretches us thin and never really solves anything is repeated once again.
The futility and helplessness over time can harden hearts or turn us against our loved ones out of sheer self preservation. When someone dies in this state, we are left with a slew of unresolvable emotions, guilt, remorse and sometimes, a bit of relief.
It's so easy to judge someone who's homeless and feel they could do better. Not everyone who finds themselves in this predicament is a drug addict or did anything wrong. Sometimes family situations don't work out or illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one and rising costs for housing have contributed to the situation. There are less resources out there to support the public including mental health.
I've lost several friend to addiction over the years. Sometimes I've just had to walk away and keep my distance. I know of tragic backstories for some but perhaps they all share that denominator. I do know that it seems like the ones who should shine brightest and have so much to offer are often the ones caught up in this cycle.
There are 12 step groups to support those that are involved with someone who has an addiction. Some find comfort in grief support groups, therapy, religion, friends, writing or holding ceremonies for the deceased as a way of closure.
I would encourage anyone who has someone who struggles in their life to continue to reach out, to offer support and be a friend when possible. We cannot control the outcome but can be there to help them make a better choice. Not everyone will make the right choice...
There is a rise in homelessness and addiction that our cities need to address. There should be programs in place and tiny homes to support the transition off the streets. There are successful stories of this around the U.S. There needs to be more.
For those that have lost a friend or family member, I would say this is not the end of their story nor their defining moment. Think of the things you loved about them and hold onto those as their true essence.
For you, Bill and all of us who've lost loved ones, I raise a glass to your friend and others like him, thank him for the camaraderie, the wisdom, the love and the good times shared. I wish them well on the next leg of their journey.
👏🏾👏🏾! It was not easy I’m sure, but you’ve penned the complexity of your friends life and your relationship into something we can absorb. Condolences to you and all of his loved ones. May he find sweet rest.
Bill, well done. It’s hard to understand how drinking can rob a very intelligent person of everything important in their life. Bill Klipfel tried to explain it to me. It made no sense to me. You were a good friend to Jeff, and certainly helped him with his struggles. Unfortunately loyal and dedicated friends probably cannot solve a complicated problem like alcoholism.
Bill, that was an incredible and sad recap of our friend Heff. So poignant. I had absolutely no idea of his struggles or problems. I last saw him at the 40th and he seemed like Jeff to me. There are hidden battles everyone faces; that's why close friends are so vital for honest confession and sharing. Small groups, even if not connected with a church, are another good conduit. Heff obviously didn't have a confidant nearby. What a tragic shame. I wish I had been closer to him. He was fun to be around. Full of life. May his soul rest in peace.
Thanks again for sharing Bill. You have a gift with the pen that is special; you have progressed greatly since our NFL Films recaps. What a great memory!
There is a special kind of sadness watching someone we love and care about, spiral down over and over again. The hope of them overcoming their addiction, depression, money problems or tendency to self-destruct dies a little each time we are confronted with another failing. We often vacillate between wanting to see them do well and the fear of losing them. The despair of going through another emotional roller coaster and not wanting to deal with it. Anger at how are lives are disrupted as one more huge favor, one last promise - for good this time - or an unending request for money that stretches us thin and never really solves anything is repeated once again.
The futility and helplessness over time can harden hearts or turn us against our loved ones out of sheer self preservation. When someone dies in this state, we are left with a slew of unresolvable emotions, guilt, remorse and sometimes, a bit of relief.
It's so easy to judge someone who's homeless and feel they could do better. Not everyone who finds themselves in this predicament is a drug addict or did anything wrong. Sometimes family situations don't work out or illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one and rising costs for housing have contributed to the situation. There are less resources out there to support the public including mental health.
I've lost several friend to addiction over the years. Sometimes I've just had to walk away and keep my distance. I know of tragic backstories for some but perhaps they all share that denominator. I do know that it seems like the ones who should shine brightest and have so much to offer are often the ones caught up in this cycle.
There are 12 step groups to support those that are involved with someone who has an addiction. Some find comfort in grief support groups, therapy, religion, friends, writing or holding ceremonies for the deceased as a way of closure.
I would encourage anyone who has someone who struggles in their life to continue to reach out, to offer support and be a friend when possible. We cannot control the outcome but can be there to help them make a better choice. Not everyone will make the right choice...
There is a rise in homelessness and addiction that our cities need to address. There should be programs in place and tiny homes to support the transition off the streets. There are successful stories of this around the U.S. There needs to be more.
For those that have lost a friend or family member, I would say this is not the end of their story nor their defining moment. Think of the things you loved about them and hold onto those as their true essence.
For you, Bill and all of us who've lost loved ones, I raise a glass to your friend and others like him, thank him for the camaraderie, the wisdom, the love and the good times shared. I wish them well on the next leg of their journey.
Cheers!
👏🏾👏🏾! It was not easy I’m sure, but you’ve penned the complexity of your friends life and your relationship into something we can absorb. Condolences to you and all of his loved ones. May he find sweet rest.
I'm truly sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm here if you want to talk or text. ❤️🩹
Bill, well done. It’s hard to understand how drinking can rob a very intelligent person of everything important in their life. Bill Klipfel tried to explain it to me. It made no sense to me. You were a good friend to Jeff, and certainly helped him with his struggles. Unfortunately loyal and dedicated friends probably cannot solve a complicated problem like alcoholism.