“There's really no such thing as the 'voiceless'. There are only the deliberately silenced, or the preferably unheard.” ―Arundhati Roy
“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them— well, I have others.” —Groucho Marx
Boo!
Apparently, ghosting, the trendy digital term for getting the silent treatment, can be traced to a 2015 interview with supermodel-actor Charlize Theron’s1 description of quietly cutting off super-growler-actor Sean Penn.2
No, this perspective will not cover the discarded, irretrievable dalliance, nor any more formalized personal separations. Here, our spooky focus will remain on professional relationships — and the odd workplace phenomenon of the nonreply.
The crickets in the inbox.
The tumbleweeds of invisible texts.
The Silence of the Scrams?
Throughout my 25-plus years of teaching full-time (with over two decades of corresponding union rep duties), I’ve been (surprise) periodically ignored by a few (not all) powers that be. This evasion depends on many factors, not just who’s (trying not to be) involved. Let’s first sort out the much more common, rational reasons from the murky escapism.
Busy Bees.
The non-respondent is simply too preoccupied with other high-priority demands, often those offline. For anxious senders and callers, this prioritized delay can become quite frustrating, particularly if you have no idea what could legitimately be holding things up — and your concern may seem to warrant more immediate attention — with differing views on a reasonable timeline.
2. Even Busier Bees.
In relation to #1, the message may remain completely missed due to such a high volume of daily digital deliveries (or even a technical glitch). I’ve been made aware of supervisors who typically get hit with over a few dozen emails, calls and text messages every day — and sometimes well over a hundred if there’s anything remotely resembling a crisis. A 48-hour wait for less time-sensitive non-emergencies seems generally acceptable, and healthier organizations tend to respond sooner with at least a quick (perhaps automated) Got-it-working-on-it-type reply.
Who’s Supposed to Respond Again?
Now here’s where we start to venture into more dysfunctional territory: it’s not clear who will or who should respond. When there are several recipients included in the group chat or email courtesy copies, the preoccupied management may simply assume someone else will answer the call.
The multiple cc’s are usually meant to be informative for anyone possibly connected to the inquiry, yet it can further confound who is supposed to respond, possibly because the institutional agents themselves are not sure. The result: you may be ghosted. . . repeatedly. . . .
“Who’s in charge of this, again? It’s not my lane, I thought you had it, someone listed will surely handle. . . .”
Disrespect and Disconnect
a. An unintentional insult in tone, demeanor or wording, perhaps from an hurriedly aggravated messenger (even if “please” is part of the text), can be met with a snippy reaction or an especially prolonged silence.
With most leadership, this ruffle can soon be repaired through a written or verbalized apology, and a henceforth mutual understanding. Stressful situations can naturally lead to awkward communiqués which can seem disrespectful, however unintended.
Awareness of duress does require some empathy. It’s always a good sign if the issue is still addressed despite the offense taken. . . .
b. And then there’s the retaliatory strike of refusing to deal with the original concern(s), of the passive-aggressive cold shoulder, of shooting the messenger, of fixating only on the perceived improper imposition, “You disrespected me,” etc. Unfortunately, these communication breakdowns are too familiar to the more maladjusted educational institutions. . . .
So shouldn’t there be plenty of room among colleagues and administrators for necessary, “courageous conversations?”
Not always. . . .
About twenty years ago, after two especially deteriorating years of growing chaos (and ghosting non-efforts), the union offered a school administrator a non-binding No Confidence vote. Soon transferred to another building, they rebounded enough to stay productive in the district for several more years, yet nonetheless never forgave any union member possibly connected to such a measure, always refusing to even say hello if running into any such perceived Enemy of the Executive.
In another instance, when I became President of my union local, one so-called leader (no longer in the district) immediately informed me why they would never again speak to the Association Vice-President because (gasp), “They insulted me during a bargaining session” (note: collective contract negotiations can sometimes include somewhat heated exchanges behind closed doors).
Once, one angry high-ranking local official ghosted me for over eight weeks because of an anonymous, mildly critical social media post — one I never authored.
In some strange situations, even after apologies have been accepted, the original topic still goes unaddressed, the remedies are still shelved, and the ghosting simply resumes.
Are wafer-thin-skinned staff behaving like spurned students? Or acting innocently, like semi-panicked pupils hopelessly behind on their assignments?
Shall we ponder further why there’s both a teacher and administrator shortage?
To be continued, sometime after I self-importantly get caught up on my students’ assessments, papers, projects. . . oh, and a few emails. . . .
Anyone else see a menacingly ghost-like face in the clouds, just above the telephone pole?
Photo by the author.
Interestingly, Theron acted well in two of my favorite apocalyptic road films, “The Road” and “Mad Max: Fury Road.”
The general construct of a business using terms such as: Superiors, Higher-Ups, Executives, Managers, Boss, underlings, insubordinates, "reporting to" someone, classification, working class, insubordination, subjugation and more of such ilk has always escaped me.
Surely, someone or perhaps a group of people has to lead who is knowledgeable and can guide others but I always thought that working somewhere was a team effort no matter what you were there to accomplish. A business flow concept makes sense with everyone doing their part. But somewhere in there, the ego and power and anger and disdain and jealousy creep in and destroys the business and original good intentions.
I see it everywhere. Very few places have a work ethic where everyone has their roles to play but are seen as more of a partnership working together.
This has been a personal problem at times. Though I felt I was giving others the proper respect due to their job titles and duties, I was seen as an insubordinate and punished in various ways. I found it disheartening and bewildering at the same time.
There have been a few people who didn't suffer from the problems of ego and jealousy who talked to me like we were both human beings working together towards the same goals. These were pleasant and productive relationships that I really enjoyed.
Your particular situation is a staircase of people constantly lorded over, afraid of being left behind, overwhelmed, overworked with little recognition or voice; just directives to carry out the next command - or else! It seems to just run up and dow the ladder. Surely there is a way to balance out some of the needs of one group to another to accomplish goals. Being pitted against and between parents, students and administators has to be overly frustrating. In an area where one hopes to do so much good, yet is continually thwarted from the very thing they are there to do, it must seem discouraging.
And I think the sad thing is that every person in every rung of the ladder feels the same way.
I feel you - and others- make a difference whether you can see it today or not. I know you care and others can feel that. I imagine that many administrators also care and want to accomplish more but are hampered by their restrictions from their bosses too. Such a conumdrum...
I hope there are changes that you can see taking place that will ease some of this for all. A kinder workspace makes it a better day and a better life for everyone.
I have one small thought: if it is not too overwhelming or too large a group, when you have to send off an email, can you send each one an individual email instead of making it a group notice? No cc - just a direct note. If it's possible, it might get more attention as one would feel more obligated to respond as there is no one else to assume will handle it. It might work against you or be too awkward to be realistic but it's a thought.
Wishing good things for your future and the future of our schools and businesses.
Yes, I see a creepy face in the clouds! Perhaps if I was not so deluded, I would find cheerier faces wherever I look.