When Inquiring About Soulmates
Short Story Reflection as Old as Plato
“Tell me, how do you stand there?
filling the doorway....of my life.”
―Sanober Khan, A touch, a tear, a tempest
The unlikely couple did not isolate for too long.
They acted like giggling high school lab partners (picture big goofy safety glasses), discovering hydrogen combustion for the first time.
No broken glass, no unmanageable explosions.
He even clumsily explained the science, how their dopamine and oxytocin release far exceeded what they have may have initiated.
Onlookers smiled, shaking their heads.
For several weeks, they played the ropes, high above the ground, their harness secure.
Still, when asking for seconds, they began to second-guess themselves — a growing sense of senselessness, a whispered unease suggesting looming separation.
In dimly lit booths, they even toasted a rationalized incompatibility, around age differences, fuzzy financials and some undefinable lack of spirituality.
Their lingering insecurities simply could not be showered away.
Such an awareness did prevent any anger from poisoning their eventual disunion. A few weeks into the school year, she reluctantly left behind only a suspension bridge of sadness, in the form of an abandoned proposal, an emptied dresser drawer and no forwarding address.
After many years of stored neglect, she simply looked him up one April morning.
“Sorry I ghosted you for so long,” she began.
With that and related formalities, she wanted to reconnect, ever so slightly. At best, maybe exchange electronic glances, about the kids and how much older they both were.
Then she abruptly sent an inquiring text.
“So, tell me, do you believe in the existence of soulmates?”
“Soulmates?”
“I know it sounds silly, but I am curious.”
“As in your perfect partner for life?”
“Do you think the ideal mate exists out there?”
He replied a day later.
“Yes, but not necessarily as some permanent state of togetherness.”
“And—?”
“Timing matters as much as any chemistry.”
She implored him for a deeper explanation. Maybe a hint of reassurance.
He needed more time, for the question quietly kept pursuing him, leaving behind shifting sands of self-doubt.
“I think the concept can be analyzed on three levels. I’ll try to summarize each tier after collecting more thoughts on this. Thanks for asking.”
“Ok.”
A week later he offered his informal Symposium, earnestly organized and numbered, as if Plato himself would be awarding him a certificate and firm handshake.
“The Three Levels of One — Or More — True Loves”:
Sustainably shared passion, often involving all the senses. Certainly a liberating sexual connection.
Mutual interest and respect, where lovers become best friends, while still welcoming other positive relationships as part of their lifelong learning. Similar sense of humor a must.
A shared emotional and physical security (not limited to monetary stability). A profound staying power despite inevitable risks, failures and injuries. The support of both partner’s reasonable life and career goals. . . another element of “feeling safe.”
Vacationing with her husband, she intermittently digested his response.
She eventually wrote back how she generally agreed with its defined sentiments, even praising his willingness to clarify the conversation. Of course, inevitably, she had to ask if he had ever found such an ideal beloved.
“Yes.”
“Who?”
“Probably five or six partners. Over different periods of my life.”
“Wow.”
“I know, that’s a lot of lost opportunities.”
“Five or six?”
“Corrected vision hindsight.”
“I’d be happy with one soulmate.”
“Maybe two?”
“Sure. Or a second chance.”
“My happiness, always intense and indecisive.”
“You mean— what happened each time?”
“I kept failing miserably in securing that vital third component.”
“In making her feel safe?”
“Yes, she rarely felt safe. Too dismissive of her fears, her concerns, all valid. She never felt threatened, only wary of a tangible future. I delivered fun and freshness, not security.”
“Until it was too late?”
“Yes, way too late.”
“Including me?”
“Including you.”
She would soon be moving to a lakeside cottage, even further away from any mild yearnings for their lost connection, for replacing remorse with some fraction of what they once unveiled.
No gentle clinking of coffee cups in some half-empty cafe.
No barefoot strolls together along the water’s edge.
No campfires crackling up to the stars.
They would still text each other now and then. Yet with burning questions answered, only fading recollections filled their declining discourse.
They waved at each other on faintly illuminated dials, across a sunset ravine.
That's a well thought out take on soulmates. I find the subject of love - especially if you talk about true love - to be so intricate and complicated. So many variables go into any kind of relationship whether friendship or more. Certainly, a test of time comes into play along with weathering major events. How one handles finances, friends, contributions to the relationship, working on an equal partnership and changing likes and dislikes is a minefield of exploration. All of us go through changes in our lifetime. Often major changes. Whether a couple can adjust throughout a lifetime and remain together is always the challenge.
Knowing you have a safe space to come home to is everything in this world. Feeling loved by another - who knows you well and still likes you and wants to be with you is a security and sometimes quiet euphoria that doesn't often exist.
When two people are able to sustain a long term relationship, one of mutual respect and genuine love for each other, knowing they have someone to lean on no matter what is happening, to me is the test of love. Would you change your loved one's diapers if they were in an accident and needed help? Would you tire of their idiosyncrasies to the point of wanting to leave?
I think any relationship goes through really tough periods. It's just part of life. Hating each other at times and holding on until you find that love for them again is part of the process. Not everyone wants to wait that period out. Not every circumstance warrants continuing in that relationship.
I'm not talking about gross neglect or abuse of any kind. No one should put up with any form of abuse.
Sometimes you just drift away for various reasons. Some grow bored with routine. Some are constantly chasing the spark of new love and always searching for it.
I think you can have a soulmate connection with more than one person. It doesn't always have to be romantic or physical. There are people we share a great deal with that may be outside of our romantic relationship. It may be music or art or a passion for some cause. It's a tough balance to walk when you're in a relationship and you see a closeness you don't share with your partner that they have with someone else.
I think it's very difficult for us to be honest with ourselves and therefore honest with our partners but as they say, communication is key.
I admire couples who've managed to maintain a long-term relationship. I think there is a level of love there that few attain. People today seem to be less willing to put in the work needed for that kind of relationship. I think the world is suffering for it and I really hope that more couple will keep on trying.