Talking About the Invisible Prison Cell of Cell Phones
Interview with Psychotherapist & Parent Coach Nicole Runyon, LMSW
Trend is not destiny. —Lewis Mumford (1928)
Where the real world changes into simple images, the simple images become real beings and effective motivations of hypnotic behavior. —Guy Debord (1967)
I don't think it could be a coincidence that the more technological a society is, the less it connects people. —John Zerzan (2015)
Are we all just whistling through a digital graveyard?
The following interview reintroduces an ongoing major pedagogical (and social) concern, to be continued in future posts.
We all reside within an unrelenting onslaught of electronic devices into our complicated lives. I can readily confirm how smartphones have become an even bigger obstacle to meaningful learning in classrooms since the Covid-19 lockdown, which obviously solidified the screen addictions of much of the nation.
At this point in the school year, some exhausted educators will simply give up, teaching only to the minority of students willing to stop scrolling, to put their cells (face?) down for part of the class period.
I am truly grateful to have crossed paths with more like-minded educators during that difficult 2020 year and beyond, including Nicole Runyon, LMSW practicing in metro Detroit, who’s willing to take some valuable time for my Substack column to address this psychological pandemic.
WRB: Let’s begin with a quick summary of your background, both as a psychotherapist but also as one who began working more in education?
NR: As a master's level clinical social worker, practicing for 21 years, I specialize in children and adolescents. In the past ten years, I have seen children exhibiting mental health struggles with no root in any trauma or any traditional psychosocial reasons. Their symptoms didn't seem warranted. I began asking why is this so prevalent? It hit me how technology kept hindering every part of their development, causing significant mental health issues.
My interest in education expanded when I decided I to start speaking to anyone who had an influence over children, so we could better understand just what digital devices and tech are doing to their development.
Nicole presenting at a recent Professional Development for Royal Oak (MI) Schools.
WRB: As teachers, administrators and support staff, we continue to see a dramatic academic and behavioral decline since the Covid-19 lockdown, with its correlation to widespread screen use as an identifiable addiction, with common student apathy and even increased school violence. Can you describe some of your own examinations as a parent, psychologist and consultant?
NR: I have noticed the same as you report through my observations. The lockdowns forced kids on screens more often and for longer. Kids who didn't have devices of their own, or had screen time limits, received their own devices to continue with school from home.
This electronically-fed withdrawal really increased the mental health epidemic we were already seeing in our work with children. More screen time meant less human interaction, play, physical activity, ability to be bored yet imagine and create, reduced ability to reflect and work through difficult challenges, more dopamine surges and the lack of sleep being up late (or all night) on their devices, with gaming, videos and social media.
WRB: While we recognize this alienation and sleep deprivation in the classroom, I’m wondering if you can add a little more detail on some emerging characteristics of this addiction as a therapist.
This virtual existence becomes a conduit for an imaginary audience, enabling teens to be someone else they desire. This generation of children often mistakes the feelings of euphoria they get from interacting online as feelings of love. It feels so real to them.
In my 21 years of practice, I’ve seen many children of today’s generation avoid their feelings of insecurity and discomfort like the plague. Avoidance of feelings is not new but it’s more common in this generation, due to this advanced technology and how it dominates the culture of parenting.
I coach parents to help their children experience difficult feelings. Many parents are uncomfortable with their children’s discomfort, rendering them helpless to engage in necessary developmental tasks. Smart devices, gaming, streaming TV, apps and the like further allow for this avoidance (along with the lack of developing one’s imagination), creating a perfect storm. Today, children may not be building resiliency because the combination of parenting and the effects of technology make (the withdrawn) life too comfortable for them.
WRB: Teacher apathy and administrative resignation can be a common symptom of this post-Covid malaise. How might you help redirect this struggle in the middle of another difficult school year, with just a 60 or 90-minute workshop?
NR: I talk about the adults (teachers, admin) re-gaining power. When we know better we do better. Educators already know child development, I just remind them of their understanding, to help them feel they can stand strong in their convictions. Doing hard things and modeling that for kids. You have the power as teachers and admin to make changes, at least for yourself and then that effectively trickles down onto the students. Where are you stuck? Do you use too much screen time? Challenge yourself to make those changes in your life, because the kids are going to see right through you if you don't.
WRB: Which more ideally would be PD at the start of a school year, perhaps with slightly longer sessions?
NR: With a slightly longer session I go over more of what I understand to be root causes for why the children of today are not alright. What I call "the culture of parenting" in which parents don't challenge their children to work through their difficulties. Developmental tasks, rites of passage, are all done for them. They don't feel independent, strong and capable, which leads to apathy and anxiety. Many of these are not the direct responsibility of the education system, yet this awareness can help give the kids what they need while you have them. In longer work shops, we can involve more discussion where educators can ask more specific questions or get help where they feel stuck individually.
WRB: It seems like the most successful schools are the ones that severely restrict or ban cell phone use. Are there ways to get all, or the vast majority of staff, parents and students to agree to implementing this vision, or does it really vary greatly from building to building, district to district?
NR: I wouldn't be doing what I am doing if I didn't think we can implement no or restricted smart devices policies! I absolutely think it can be done.
WRB: You have also utilized two of the films offered by Dr. Delaney Ruston and Screenagers. Why might you recommend that resource? Any other suggestions?
NR: Dr. Ruston's film "Screenagers" gives an overview of the problem in an entertaining manner. She describes her own trepidation with giving her own daughter her first smartphone. Afterwards, there is a Q & A I can facilitate which always brings up great conversation and can lead to solutions. There is also a film called "Liked" which covers social media's addictive nature and its additional harmful effects on children and teens. Similar Q & A follows.
WRB: All this reminds me I’m way overdue to get away from screens and get outside for an extended immersion in some nature. Thank you for your generous time and interest. (!)
Obviously, we have only begun scratching the (often prickly) surface of this critical subject. I love this extended caption from Nicole’s Linkedin page. I’ll leave my readers with her photo and post.
Every time I walk into this room I think it looks like toddlers live here.
Certainly not a house with a 9 year old and an almost 15 year old!
I've asked them how long this will be here (I want my living room back).
They said they don't know!
This was in a box in the loft of our garage for the last 4 or so years.
Put away and stored because they were growing up and lost interest.
A garage clean up led to finding it, taking it out and playing with it once again.
They played together. Innocent, fun, typical siblings fighting over whose in charge!
Leaving each other notes all week as to how they tweaked it to make it better.
As annoyed as I am that my living room is occupied, I love that they are doing this and I will allow it for as long as they want to be kids.
This is what happens when you have strong boundaries around technology.
#parenting #childdevelopment #igenerationmentalhealth
Even worse than the distractions are the actual conflicts the devices facilitate. Outright wars on social media frequently turn into physical conflicts, and to many, the ability to say whatever they want without immediate accountability turns these venues into what I call antisocial media. Enough already. Parents, tell the kids to go outside and play.
I can't imagine trying to teach under these circumstances. It seems like parents and school administration would support keeping phones out of the classroom. I agree that it is having a major effect on everyone from babies on up, adding to many problems of socialization, anxiety, depression and more.
Bullying has gone from a few localized people in school, work, or the neighborhood to practically a global sport. We have read the stories of very young children even taking their own lives, feeling there is no escape from this onslaught. Their assailants are caught bragging on how they made them do it.
I've no doubt that as wonderful as the Internet is, having access to so much information can also be distracting and destructive. Many adults can hardly stay off their phone long enough to have a conversation. Kids that have even less impulse control are even more susceptible to this type of addiction.
I'd support legislature to restrict cell phone use in the classroom (and at work) to help curb some of these problems.